Addictied to photography and currently, a bear.
Kalau di film-film pasti ada super hero yang punya kekuatan yang menjadi identitas mereka. Contohnya film-film marvel ataupun DC. Iya kan? Satu yang nempel banget di otak gue adalah spiderman. Spider power he got because he got bitten in the lab, right? Imagine things are one good thing to do, but sometime we thought it’s ridiculous, am I correct? Like what I wrote for the title. Turn back time. Jujur, gue gatau semua super hero yang ada di Marvel ataupun DC ataupun yang ada. Gue cuma tau yang gue tau (ya iyalah).
Masuk ke topik utamanya. Turn back time. Ada pernah berharap punya kekuataan ini? Pasti ada, termasuk gue sendiri. In fact, most of us want this ability. Gue waktu itu gue pengen banget punya kekuatan kayak gini terutama saat gue lagi merasa kehilangan banget. Gue pengen sekali lagi aja lihat muka temen gue percaya udah di surga. Sekali aja. Tapi pada akhirnya gue tau, gue gak bakal punya dan gak bakal dapat kekuataan macam begitu. Kadang gue ngerasa dan mempertanyakan “Kenapa sih?” dan balik lagi, gue gak bisa apa-apa. Lagi, “kenapa sih?” Ada yang tau jawabannya? Ya, karena itu imajinasi. Lu mempertanyakan itu sampai kapan pun, lu gak bakal nemuin jawabannya karena itu masih imajinasi dan belum bisa direalisasikan. Mau ngeluh? Boleh, tapi gak usah diumbar-umbar. People would go like, “fuck you,” because you complain. Gak semua orang peduli sama masalah lu, apalagi yang udah berimajinasi liar.
Sekarang, gue udah sedikit menyerah buat berimajinasi super power kayak turn back time. Gue udah kasih tau alesannya kan? Gak usah dimasukin ke hati pendapat gue. Cerna aja dulu pelan-pelan. Sekarang gue udah lebih, “well that happened.” Screw me? Yes, Screw me. gue kedengerannya kayak nyerah ya? Haha. Gue gak nyerah, gue gak pernah nyerah tapi ada saat gue udah di ambang batas dan kadang mempertimbangkan haruskah gue nyerah atau engga. Gue cuma lebih berlogika aja disini. Curhat sedikit ya, gue ambil mata kuliah logika dan gue gak ngerasa sama sekali berlogika, yang ada malah bahasa yang aneh yang gak berlogika. Itu gue; kalau kalian terserah. Gak maksa. Logika orang beda-beda kan? Tapi pasti ada satu titik dimana logika itu bakal ketemu. Kalau kekuatan super tadi berlogika gak? Engga, buat gue. Beyond logic, that’s imagination.
Tadi (gak tadi doang sih sebenernya; banyak) gue liat status yang isinya more or less kayak gini, “blablabla say hi ablabla, get me back to this morning…” ya gitu lah. Reaksi gue: FUCK YOU. Apa sih? Lu udah lewatin itu dan lu mau lagi karena kebodohan lu sendiri? Lu kenapa? Malu? Gak berani? Yaudalah ya, something like this is not even worth to share to public. You want public to know what happened to you? Gue pun suka share what happened to me dan gue sangat sangat mengurangi yang namanya shitlicious. Kalau ada yang pengen gue share dan ketika gue post menurut gue itu gak pantes dishare, gue hapus lagi. Bukan karena gue takut, ya karena it’s just not that fucking worth to the world. you can call me whatever you want as long as you not spread rubbish about me, especially gossip.
Berhentilah berimajinasi. Berhentilah mengeluh terus-terusan. Go fucking live your life, don’t care how hard it will be. terutama buat kalian – kalian yang udah lewat masa remaja dan udah menjadi ‘young adult.’ Kalian boleh berimajinasi, tapi kadang yang namanya imajinasi lebih baik disimpan sendiri dan juga beberapa hal lain. This life rules are simple, go live your life, trust your God, stay close to Him, believe in Him, stop your fucking imagination, make yourself happy, worth, and matters. This ain’t fairy tales or comic book you wanna live in, this is the universe where everything almost never exactly like what you want it to happened. that’s all.
August is in summer season right? Happy summer! How’s your summer? Mine? I spent it with my inter-session college and having part in freshmen orientation. i would like to say thanks to anyone who really really can control me and made moods (because I was a jerk for last few months.)
So, I hit another 3rd August. This year’s August is my sixth August to make you stay alive. I know. Maybe I’m little bit too much but I really don’t mind this (but if you have different thought, so be it.) I guess there’s something special about this year’s 3rd August, or maybe it was just me? This year’s 3rd August fall on Sunday. Actually, I planned something today but unfortunately, I was not be able to fulfill it. I am sorry for that. I did not know that today was going to be like today. it has been three days that I had dreams every time I fell asleep. this is new for me. I never had so much dreams and not always have it in my each sleep. I barely remember each dreams but I really wish and hope each of those dreams will bring me my best. Also, I thank you for helping me to let my emotions and tears out from the cage. You really are something.
Oh yes! I bet you know my fucking stupid miserable days-weeks-months and I bet you also can see me struggled and cried. But, don’t worry, you still in my prayer. Today was supposed to be yours. It was supposed to be, but why you make me to miss someone who was not you? Did you done it in purpose? you want me to miss someone else than you? You don’t have to done that, really. i know my time and now, which was suppose dedicated for you, given to another?
We has our stupid conversation last night. I really am thankful for that. Your birthday supposed to be yours, but instead you made me and him had our rare stupid conversation.
Thank you and may you placed in His best place :)
This has been stuck in my mind ever since. I met so many people since I started my life. Some of them are worth to fight for, some of them maybe not.
I don’t know why, but this keep ringing in my head; this exact sentence,
"Why you try so hard on someone or something that already give up on you?"
You know the answer, you don’t want to get the opposite answer of what you already had in your mind. Take this as an example, you plant a tree, you do everything to that expected-to-be tree, but you know that kind of tree won’t grow in your neighborhood. What do you know? It’s not even show its bud.
There’s a sentence I read once. More or less it sounded, “God erase some people in your life so you can achieve more and better.” Somehow, I do believe this sentence. I lost people. I learn more. I achieve more. Because I’m trying to live in “Present Tense”
Maybe this is about time you come out, dear.
Yes, I have thinking a lot. This is has something to do with “Past.”
Some people said past is something to forget, something that shouldn’t come into your mind anymore. Some people also said move on is a hard thing to do.
Yes, I admit it. Move on is hard thing to do.
My friend always said if you’re not moving on means you are dead. I can’t reply her, up until now.
My definitions of moving on is you live well with your “past.” With everything that count as “past.” It took years to live well. I know it’s not easy. It’s just how you deal it.